Tuesday 3 July 2012

Amma Make Like Tom . . .

How very curious.

When I rage-quit blogging back in April, I completely abandoned my account.  When I did, I had just reached around 1,400 page views.  After my dramatic - well, I perceived it as 'dramatic', I'm sure most would class it more as 'inevitable' - return, I checked how many times my blog had been viewed.

1877 . . . including 400-odd views in May when I did absolutely nothing.  So allow me to express how I felt at said time . . .


. . . wut?  I'm easily pleased, alright?


During my many an adventure through Kanto, Johto, Hoenn - the less said about that the better; Pokemon Saphire, Ruby and Emerald were abysmal - Sinnoh and Unova, it was drilled into me that bugs were weak against both fire and psychic attacks.  Alas, I possess neither, just a contradiction of a girlfriend who had a pet tarantula but screams at the smallest of spiders . . . 





. . . but I uncovered a new method of fending out these eight-legged interlopers; towel-whipping.  Now let me tell you, towel-whipping a spider is much move effective than both Ember and Psybeam combined.  I've become quite a dab-hand at it too; I towel-whipped a fly out of the air the other day.  I would've strutted with success, but alas, my chronic back-pains subdue such proclivities.



Whilst touching briefly on things that so much as thinking about which hurt my spine, check out the moves on this chap; he could clear a dance-floor, but in a radically different way to what me and Adam have on our CV's.




And to think I struggle tying my shoe-laces at the moment . . . 


Perhaps more disturbing than the many an arachnid was finding a rather large ginger slug in my kitchen.  Cheesus alone knows how it got there, but to set an example to his mucus-y mates I decided in my wisdom to shovel him up with one of many take-away leaflets and drop him from the back bedroom window, so he landed quite nicely by the kitchen door.





Turns out, it wasn't.



Neigh, I was sent to gather the belongings of my dearly beloved from the depths of the living room, and whence I delivered it, she found a mucus trail along her bag.  Her immediate response?


"Have you sneezed all over my bag?"
Kittie Carter, June 27th, 2012

Granted, she may have a fair point, considering I found it most hilare after sneezing all over her coat, but I am quite convinced that in her mind I am cast as some form of vile tricksy goblin, which I find most injust.  So, just to get my revenge and to prove that it isn't just me who has had some astonishing biological faux pas whilst she has been an indirect witness to.  Please bear in mind also, that this occurred on our first date, at my house watching Ponyo.







In fact, that very same little comic strip seems to be applicable to a great many moments in our relationship (what can I say, Kittie is a rather terrifying individual).  Take these two examples of her getting intensely involved in some computer games.  Both times, I was left cowering in a corner.





And then there is the ol' Dungeon Keeper II fiasco.




Since the start of March, I was on a whole one-man power trip of not needing anyone to make me happy.  Imagine then, how big the slice of humble pie is I'm eating right now; it's actually almost pathetic how much time we spend with one another - we've been together for just over two months and I highly doubt we have spent more than ten days apart from each other since. However, she has taken this opportunity to try and sneak her way in and become BFF's with Totoro . . . . -____________-



Me and Totoro.  Friends fo' lyf


You may notice the 'Derby' bus stop that we are both waiting at.  Well, in August, myself and my furry friend shall be waiting at a bus stop destined for - yup, you guessed it, Chesterfield.


Try as I may, I can never escape the place.



Still, this is no particular bad thing, as I will get to see my dear friend Gareth again, who I haven't seen since the first week of May and miss rather muchly, which means I shall no longer have to sit next to a window acting miserable and pretending I'm in a music video reminiscing over the good times of 2011 we shared.



S'all about the bro-mance.
And so, on the 17th August, I will make like Tom, and 'cruise' outta Derby . . . and as #theSmithOpinion said all along . . . 


"Why did you come 'ere??!"




P.S.  Oh!  I have a brand-spanking new job . . . should probably have mentioned that . . . oh well.


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